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Ode to Myself

21 Dec Painting by Aviv Sara Benn. Source berlin-artparasites

The idea of respect in long-term relationships is crucial when it comes to ending one. I feel like this is one of the things that defines the core of the person you are dealing with. No matter who did what to end this bond or if it is mutual, one should always think of how this person will be remembered in the memory of the other. At least, this is important to me. I am a bit fixated on idea of how I will remember my exs; will i curse them, will i long for the good that there once was, will i want to smash everything that reminds me of them, or will i become indifferent?

This is part a choice each person makes, but also it is a choice on behalf of the other person on how he or she wants to be remembered. Every person that walks into one’s life leaves an imprint that can never be erased, whether we like or not, hide it or not, it is there, part of our emotional DNA. Everything that comes after is shaped in a way or another by this irreversible imprint. This is why letting someone in your life is not a simple endeavor, it is both impulsive and submissive. What I find interesting is how this little event in the scheme of one’s life shapes so much of who we choose to become and how we interact in future relationships.

It is some sort of a domino effect that builds up as you grow and the various imprints people leave in you start to shape your choices and actions. A dialectal process molding your emotional and sensible being. I feel that I have reached a sense of maturity when it comes to making people’s imprints less harsher on me, but I am still susceptible to manipulation and emotional defeat like i am susceptible to great love. We all are in different levels, even those who defeat us.

In an ode to one self, I would like to tell me that I am every imprint I allowed those who left me to leave. I choose to embrace those scars and love them, forgive them, and decorate them with beautiful graffiti. Just like Frida drew all over her body cast, I am the artist of my demons.


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